Archive for August 31, 2010


How to make crack

At the moment, I’m procrastinating on cleaning, which I promised I would do and which needs to get done so that I can let myself go get Kiersten White’s Paranormalcy  and Cassandra Clare’s Clockwork Angel.  However, I’m having a “clean ALL the things D: ” moment, so I thought I’d provide a recipe for another of my favorite writing fuels, some lovelywonderful stuff my family named crack.  Crack is so named because our collective inability to stop eating it resembles some other people’s addiction to a different substance of the same name.

So here goes:
– Take a large bowl.  Put in somewhere between 1/4-1/2 stick of butter.  Stick this in the microwave and nuke it for about 30 seconds until the butter starts to go all melty.  Pull it out of the microwave and swirl the butter around the sides of the bowl.
– Add in a 16 oz bag, or 2 10 oz bags, of marshmallows.  On top of the marshmallows, sprinkle a liberal amount of chocolate chips, and then add a large-ish glop of peanut butter.  (Yes, that really is how I measure this.  I’m thinking the chocolate chips are probably in the 1/3 cup range and the peanut butter is probably in the 3/4c-1c range, but I’m just guessing.  “Liberal amount” and “large-ish glop” really do seem more accurate.)
– Heat the whole mess in the microwave for 2-2:30 minutes, until the marshmallows are huge and puffy.
           -MEANWHILE (it is important to do this either beforehand or, if you’re like me, scramble to do it while the marshmallows are puffing):  make sure you’ve got your stirring spoon (I use an ice cream spade because it’s sturdy as hell), your Rice Krispies (you need LOTS of these!), and your greased (large) cookie sheet (or jelly roll pan) out and ready to go.
– When the marshmallows are large and puffy, take them out of the microwave and stir the whole mess up to get the marshmallows, peanut butter and chocolate chips all mixed up.  Then, without wasting any time (because timewasting means that this stuff gets damned near impossible to stir), pour in a bunch of Rice Krispies.  Like, 3-4 cups+ worth.  Then stir like your arm strength depends on it. 
– Continue to add Rice Krispies and stir until you’ve got the marshmallow goop/Rice Krispie balance where you like it.  Then pour and scrape the mess out onto the greased cookie sheet (it really needs to be greased, else you’ll never get your crack off of the tray when you want to eat it). 
– Also important: grease your hands.  I keep an end of a stick of butter for this purpose.  Once the glop of goop is on the pan, grease your hands and then press it down so that it covers the pan and is whatever thickness you like in your crack.
– Let cool and enjoy. And try not to eat the whole pan in a day.  Good luck with that.

This stuff is arguably healthy, because it has Rice Krispies in it (and Rice Krispies are allowed by whatever government agency to claim that they’re healthy), because it has peanut butter in it (yay protein!), and because it has chocolate in it (which, as I proved beyond doubt in an earlier post, is one of the healthiest and best foods you can have).  Share and enjoy, people.

I’ve now spent at least 5 minutes of my life watching this video of my friend Dr. B’s cat.  I dare you to try to spend less time doing the same.  Much thanks to the awesomesauce Dr. B for permission to post this video, thus helping me help you waste your time.

As an aside, notice the tubes of Pringles in the background.  Pringles are Ph.D.-approved writing fuel.  If you find yourself stuck with writer’s block, Pringles might be the answer.

On the other hand, I myself tend to go with Pizza Rolls as my writing fuel of choice.  If you find that Pringles aren’t working for you (or just aren’t what you’re craving in your writing fuel junkfood), Pizza Rolls might be a better choice.  If so, allow me to recommend the “Cheese” over the “Triple Cheese,” as experience as taught me that the latter has a tendency to explode its cheesy goodness all over the cookie sheet earlier in the baking process than the former.  Always remember always to bake your Pizza Rolls, as microwaving them makes them soggy.  Soggy Pizza Rolls are inadequate writing fuel and should be avoided at all costs, lest they make a pasty, pulpy puddle out of your prose.

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