So I joined the year 2008 the other day by purchasing my very first smart phone. Before that, I’ve always proudly owned a stupid phone, one capable of texting and taking pictures – but not emailing me the pictures – and nothing else. It served its purpose (texting, mostly, as I’m sort of talk-on-the-phone-with-real-people-phobic), but it wasn’t anything special. When everyone around me had upgraded to smart phones, I named my phone “Stupid Phone” and was happy.

Then I started blogging.

The thing with the blogging is that when I’m writing about beer (or wine, at this point), it’s really nice to be able to break up the textwall of words with a picture of the beer (or wine). But I couldn’t do that, since I couldn’t send pictures with Stupid Phone. So I blogged on, describing the color of the beer as best I could, hoping no one minded that my blog was something like 99.5% words.

Except for the one time pictures did appear, in one short series of beer reviews wherein I reviewed flavored Michelob Ultras because they sounded too awful NOT to. The pictures appeared courtesy of my Mother’s Crackberry.
I had to have my Mom take pictures for me because I had no quick and easy way to do so myself.

That moment, back in September, marked the beginning of the end of my relationship with Stupid Phone. That’s when I decided a smart phone would be in my future.

This past Monday, after roughly 90 minutes of researching different phone plans, I ended up switching phone companies and purchasing myself a Samsung something. Um, a Transform, I think. I should know this, because the first question I get when people hear I’ve gotten a smart phone is to ask me what I got. So… I got an off-brand Android, basically (which potentially makes it an off-off-brand iPhone, but the last thing I need is for Apple to get its hooks any farther into me). I like it. It’s cheaper than an Android but uses the Android apps market, so I too could, were I a douchebag, say “there’s an app for that” and gleefully show off the glorious workings of my phone.

The problem here is that I’m convinced I’ve figured out how to work roughly 3% of my phone. I can sort of surf the internet, but I end up frustrated that I don’t have my nicely laid out browser configuration, with my legions of bookmarks and pre-entered passwords. But I can get straight to facebook. I can take and email myself pictures. And – this is the coolest thing – I can click on the screen and have it pull up the local weather conditions, which I can then click into a short-range forecast, which I can then click on to see the local radar.

Dude. My phone can tell me what the weather’s doing at any time I want to know. I LOVE THIS. (Yes, I am from the Midwest.)

However, there are still a millionbillion things I need to figure out. Like my phone number, which I keep forgetting. And that I need to text *almost* everyone I know with my new number, because I haven’t done that yet. And I need to figure out how to text more than one person at a time, which has been slow going, which is why next to no one has my number yet. I’ll get there eventually.

I’m sad to lose Stupid Phone, however, because it’s been fun. Stupid phone has been wonderful and loyal and has worked beautifully during the 2.5 years we’ve been together. Stupid phone is an awful shade of Barney Purple, which means I’ve never lost it. And Stupid Phone has all sorts of pictures on its tiny little Stupid Phone Hard Drive, pictures which I’m determined not to lose even if I”m not sure how to get them off without paying an arm and leg.

So onto the great wide pasture in the corner of a box in my room, Stupid Phone. I’ll miss you.

And hopefully one day I’ll figure out something more like 50% of what the still-nameless smart phone can do, and I’ll feel like this was all a good idea.