Category: Great Moments in Bad Ideas


… for anyone who doesn’t read the AVClub at 1:39am enjoys moments when the universe becomes more recursive than usual:

James Franco has created a university class (for credit!) about James Franco, partially taught by James Franco, featuring bits of film by James Franco.

So. Enjoy that. I’ll regale y’all with blizzard photos later, should the blizzard warnings my area is under actually amount to a real blizzard.

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Edit: It’s appalling that I began February like that. My apologies. I am suitably embarrassed.
Edit 2: It’s appalling that it’s already February.

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I’m insane.

NaNo starts in 3-ish days, right? As in 72 hours from now I will be sitting at my laptop, hopefully hammering away at the keys, beginning my 50K wordcount for the month.

So naturally, today seemed like the ideal day to decide for sure and certain to sit on the project I was planning on working on during NaNo, because it took something of a wrong turn and I need to stop and figure out what the right turn is before I can get it to progress any further. Plus it’s almost too cold to write that novel right now. That’s a summertime novel.

So I needed something to write.

I’d had a project going over the summer. Or rather, over the summer I’d outlined and storyboarded and worked on characters and whatnot for a project. And then I started writing said project and the MC (main character for the non-writers) just… didn’t fit. I could see this whole huge story, but the character I had planned on shoving into it steadfastly refused to work with it. She was too logical and even-keeled for what the story needs. The story needs a daydreamer. The MC as I had originally conceived her dismisses daydreams as a giant waste of time. I need an MC who doodles in the margins of her notebooks during class and wants more than anything to do something crazy – like strap fairy wings to her backpack – but is afraid to do anything like that because she doesn’t want all the attention.

To sum up: I’ve completely tossed the roughly 5K worth of writing I had for that project and will be starting over and NaNo-ing it come November. So I will be doing the full challenge as rules state. I still don’t have a name for this project, so it will be “nameless YA Fantasy project” until such time as something pops into my head. I’ve completely revamped the MC (although I’m keeping her name) and I’m flipping POV/tense and all kinds of stuff to see if I can get into her head differently and in a way that works better for the story. And in doing all that, the entire opening I had planned out doesn’t work at all, so I’ve still got to figure out what I’ll be writing about come 71 3/4 hours from now.

But I will figure it out, dammit. Because I won last year and I’d like to win this year, because I’d like to get the wordcount on the novel so that I can convince myself it’s really finish-able. And NaNo, in its greatness, lets me feel like I can finish it, and shuts up my inner editor for a while so that I can just sit back and go.

When things get really hard, I’ll be popping onto Dr. Wicked’s and bitching about it here. Enjoy, people.

I made the mistake last night of having a Sam Adams Cherry Wheat for my beer blog and because Old Chicago says I had to in order to get the t-shirt for the Halloween Mini-Tour. So I did.

Never do that.

Anyway, I’ve been trying since then to come up with adequate reaction images to intimate my horror at having drank a Sam Adams Cherry Wheat. I came up with one, which is up there, but had thought about the possibility of adding a few more before I sat down and tried to put the experience into words.

So naturally, I googled “Vladimir Putin D:” because obviously that’s what I need, image-wise.

I thought.

I thought wrong.

I came up with these, among others:

Oh. Um.

a nude pic (butt only) of Ron Paul that I will link to but won’t actually put here, and this (SORRY):

Like seriously. Wut. Help.

Sorry. Really. Sorry.

O_o Opossums?

o_O

I… don’t know what do to with this.

Presenting PROPER OPOSSUM MASSAGE by MEpearlA

I mean, she’s either the craziest duck that ever quacked or she is 100% absurdist genius.

The opossum does not look pleased, especially when she has it upside down on a pillow and it’s trying to get the hell back up. And then she SWEEPS ITS AURA OUT. 

This, people, is worse than the “Cat Chakra Balancing Formula” I found on some insane “natural pets” website.

I’ve now been laughing about this for twelve hours, in between groans of “OHCEILINGCATNOOOOOOO” and “they absolutely positively CANNOT BE SERIOUS, right?” and then more laughter.

Hollywood has decided, apparently, that the time is right for a film of a particularly long and dense epic poem.

I’m not honestly surprised that they’re doing a film of this poem, as it’s been getting references all over the place in books being written right now, especially in the world of YA, where it feels like I can’t open a book without a 50% likelihood of this poem being referenced, if not heavily leaned on.  I blame Philip Pullman.

If you haven’t figured it out yet, they’re making a film of PARADISE LOST.  Really.  In 3-D most likely, and which, as the second article says, “will be crafted as an action vehicle that will include aerial warfare.”  Of course it will.

Yes, Paradise Lost will be an action film.  Directed by the guy who directed The Crow.  It’s like life just handed me a freshly baked cookie.

I’m heartened by this is many ways, as the fun parts of Paradise Lost should make an effing FANTASTIC action film.  Angels throw mountains on each other in Paradise Lost.  Think about it.  How COOL would it be to watch ANGELS THROW MOUNTAINS ON EACH OTHER.  I am *all* over this, and I want popcorn, and a Guinness, and maybe some Reeces Pieces, and then HELL YES I WANT TO SEE THIS.  On an IMAX screen, if possible.  OTOH, if for some reason the director et al decide *not* to include angels lobbing mountains on each other, I’m going to feel cheated.

(As an aside, sorry for the yellies here.  I’ve been laughing about this for hours now.  It kept me up at night because I was laughing so hard.  I can’t believe I managed not to wake up Tony because my laughter was shaking the bed.)

The part that has me worried is that there’s no way in fucking hell they’ll EVER manage a plausible interpretation of the poem that manages to even glance at the depth of meaning in it, or recognize any of the major themes (much less do them any justice).  I also figure almost goes without saying that Satan will be played by Hot Guy, and that, being Hot Guy, he’ll be the hero. Big misreading of the poem, no matter how sexy Satan is in the beginning.  To put it in modern terms, Satan in Paradise Lost is the rhetorical equivalent of Glenn Beck, if Glenn Beck looked like Clive Owen rather than a pink-faced fuckwit.  Satan’s arguments, when parsed, hold exactly as much water as do Mr. Becks (i.e., none), but he’s blustery enough that he comes across as sexy as hell* anyway.  Until God turns him into a snake and Satan turns, if possible, MOAR EMO.  Really, though, if you read the poem carefully, it’s pretty clear Satan is the bad guy, no matter what William Blake et al thought.

So I’m torn.  On the one hand, this is assuredly going to be a disaster on any philosophical level, pretty much guaranteed to debase the poem from greatness to a handful of headache-inducing 3-D special effects battle scenes.  On the other, ANGELS THROWING MOUNTAINS ON EACH OTHER.

Thoughts, oh world?

*Forgive the pun here, please. It was unintentional (when I first wrote it, anyway – obviously I decided to leave it).

(Note: You really don’t want to google “Avatar Navi” (which I did in order to make sure I put the apostrophe in the right place).  The first thing that comes up on the list is “The Avatar Na’vi Sex Scene Revealed,” the which title I’d link to for you but won’t because I a) find the concept vaguely terrifying and b) am afraid what (i.e., sexspambots or whatever) might end up trying to comment on my blog if I did.(Rule 34. Ugh.)(Anyway.)

The KC Renaissance Festival has been going on for years and years.  And years.  Close to three decades or something like that.  It’s a giant, 6-weekend long festival with a different theme each weekend, a plentiful supply of Ren-Fest-Requisite smoked turkey legs (ZOMGMAZING), plenty of booze, corsets, cleavage and fairy wings galore.  Just as it should be.

As always happens, the costumes run the gamut.  There are the people wearing exquisitely crafted costumes with brocade and leather lacings and appropriate-looking footware and hats and so on, who quite clearly enjoy putting the costumes together and making them look fantastic.  And there are of course the people who’ve thrown on fairy wings, combat boots and a furry tail all at once and who make me wonder what the Ren Fest equivalent of Tim Gunn would say.  I’m fine with any and all versions of this (and everyone else who wanders around with their standard jeans and t-shirt weekend gear).  It’s the Renaissance Festival:  checking out the costumes/people watching is half the fun (the other half, of course, being the turkey legs and mulled mead).

Where I draw the line is when someone shows up at a Renaissance Festival wearing full Na’vi regalia:  tiny bra-like top, tiny skirt, long blue tail, fully painted blue body.  Nothing that counts as even a nod to Renaissance costuming (or Medieval costuming, or anything else along the 3rd-17th century spectrum that the Ren Fest seems to include).  Clearly and simply and only Hollywood.

I have no problem with the concept of the Na’vi costume in general – the movie was popular enough that I’m assuming something like 1/10 adults (and possibly a higher quotient of kids) will be looking at the Na’vi as the hot “must-be” costume for Halloween 2010.  And I’ve zero doubt whatsoever that a good many of these costumes have already been worn to ComicCon and GenCon and whatever else.  Which is also good and fine and exactly as it should be.

At the Ren Fest, however, it seems in my mind that the costumes should at least *reference* the stated time period (however broadly interpreted), because we’ve all agreed on the theme here and it’s the theme itself that is providing the basis for entertainment.  So read some Tolkein, play with chain mail, quote some Shakespeare, throw on some fairy wings and have some fun.  But keep Avatar out of it.  Or change up the costume a bit and go as a troll, lest we decide that you really are a troll.

For a group that is so insistent that everyone in America speak English fluently, the Tea Party has had some interesting “whoopsies” at rallies.  These were collected on flickr by a user named Pargon, who calls this phenomenon “Teabonics,” defined as follows: “These are signs seen primarily at Tea Party Protests.  They all feature ‘creative’ spelling or grammar.  This new dialect of the English language shall be known as “Teabonics.”

Enjoy.  There are some doozies.

Linkage courtesy of Dr. B., who has been on a roll lately in providing me with quality A+ lulz.

Note to any Tea Partiers who may somehow trip across this blog:  I don’t think *all* of you are incapable of spelling/using the proper grammatical rules of this language you claim to love so much any more than I think *all* of you are racist idiots. From a conservative economic standpoint, I’m sure you all have some valid points.  However, for the Tea Partiers out there who *aren’t* racist idiots, I think it might behoove you to find other non-racist non-idiots to share your ideology with.  Sadly, the people who show up at your rallies don’t do much for your image.

Alright.  So I have a beer reviewing/bar reviewing blog here:  http://writesforbeer.wordpress.com/ .  The beer reviewing arena is probably better known as “the area of my expertise.”  Go there for coherence of topic and thought.  We’ll none of that here.

The purpose of this blog is to get the other thoughts out of my head, i.e. “the random things that pop into my head when I’m trying to get something productive done.”  I figure that if I have a place to let them coalesce, they’ll either leave me alone or they’ll turn into something usable.  Either one is acceptable to me.  I decided I needed this blog about a week ago when it occurred to me that the beer blog really just needed to stay beer-related, and didn’t need off-topic posts clogging it up – the obvious solution was to create an off-topic blog.  So I considered it for a while, and finally decided that I should do something about it at some point last night around 2am as I stared at what is likely to be chapter 3 of the current WIP (work in progress, for those of you not up on writing acronyms). 

Given I’m filling my funemployment with a combination of job searching and novel writing, the vast majority of my thoughts here will likely have something to do with one of those.  Well, the thoughts will often have something to do with writing more than job searching: writing is sometimes fun, whereas job searching is a demoralizing morass of, well, you know it if you’ve done it.  So, well, maybe I won’t post about job searching, unless it’s to report good news.

So that’s that.  Enjoy.  Given it’s after 12:30, I’m going to pull myself together enough to go find some lunch.

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