Tag Archive: this is your brain on ADHD

Handstands at 31

Yesterday I did a handstand at work and it was awesome.

The handstand was because I had just written up a review for New Belgium’s Somersault, and the owner decided we should try to get a picture of me doing a somersault to go with the review. The thing is, though, if you’ve ever seen a somersault in action, then you know it’s not a photogenic position. So I didn’t want to do that. I did think I could maybe work with the upside down idea, however, which is how I ended up doing a handstand over a case of beer, my feet up against the cooler doors for balance, my hair pooling on top of the beer.

I hadn’t done a handstand in something like 20 years and wasn’t sure I was going to pull one off without falling on my head. At the same time, I do work out a lot, I do still have good balance, lots of upper body strength, that sort of thing. So I tried it. And I got up. Four times.

Upshot: I feel oddly kickass about myself right now, like I could do anything, simply because I could do a handstand yesterday. It’s funny what raises my self-esteem.

I think I lost it right about now

Now that I’m not writing a million words a second every time I sit at my computer but am still in  primed fiction crazybrain mode, I’ve had a really odd thought pop into my head.

Those of you who are my facebook buddies have seen this pop up in status form, so feel free to ignore me and my redundancy.

See, there’s another book-type meme going around facebook, this one focusing on 15 characters that have strongly affected you in some way or other. The thing is that it’s actually book/film/tv characters, but me being me I stopped reading the rules at book, and only realized after about ten minutes that I could throw in tv/film characters too. Even had I realized it was all three media right from the beginning, it still would have been mostly books, so, you know, me dork or whatever.

Anyway, I listed Hamlet as one of the most me-affecting characters. But then I thought about it. I didn’t list Hamlet because I like him. I don’t. I think he’s a whining, ineffective twit. And he angsts a ridamndiculous amount of the time. And so, apparently – I haven’t actually read this book yet – does Holden Caulfield. (YEAH YEAH I KNOW I WILL READ THE CATCHER IN THE RYE SOMEDAY)

So. Were Holden Caulfield put in a ring with Hamlet, who would win the fight? Would they box? Would they angst over the possibility of boxing? Would Hamlet angst about having to box, and Holden angst about how inauthentic boxing is? Would Holden finally swing at Hamlet, and Hamlet then spend four minutes sililoquy-ing over whether or not to punch Holden back?

Your thoughts, please. My brain should be applying this sort of creative nonsense to its longer, unfinished, post-NaNo novel.

High School Musical has a RiffTrax…

… which was entertaining to find out and almost as entertaining to actually watch.* It was worth watching just to see Tony collapse in on himself trying to cover his ears to get away from the singing. And the Riffers, the A++++++ team of Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy, were in rare form. So I have to say that this particular RiffTrax/horror movie combination is a definite “must watch.”

What concerns me coming out of having seen this film is what’s going to happen to poor Zac Efron’s career. The thing is that while watching HSM, there were actual moments where it looked like Mr. Efron was actually ACTING – moments where things like genuine concern floated across his face, completely out of place with the inanity of both the plot and his character. While acting during a Disney film admittedly shows a marked lack of judgment on Mr. Efron’s part – because doing so can constitute nothing other than a waste of effort – it doesn’t deny the fact that it looks like the kid CAN ACTUALLY ACT. Which makes me realize that I feel sorry for him.

Why should I feel sorry for Zac Efron? The kid is so absurdly good-looking that *insert absurdly over the top metaphor of your choice here – I’m tired and not in the mood to think of one*, and yet he’s only done one film this year that got any advertising (why hello there, Charlie St. Cloud, your commercials maketh me to need the insulin shots).** Meanwhile, someone like, say, Michael Cera, who is both not good-looking and ludicrously overexposed, is in pretty much everything. Because Michael Cera is not-good-looking in a sort of quirky hipster way that means he can be taken seriously as an actor, whereas Zac Efron is so insanely good-looking that he could out-act Sir Ian McKellen and people would still assume that he was only given a role due to his looks.

I think this is roughly the type of issue that made Brad Pitt start taking awesome roles in films like Fight Club. Which means, I hope, that we can have the opportunity to watch Zac Efron do something completely outrageous here in a few years, if only to prove that he’s more than just a pretty face.

*Yes, I realize that “to actually watch” is a split infinitive. No, I don’t care that I just used a split infinitive. No, I am *not* going to revise my wording. Because, to be perfectly honest, the only reason that I’ve found for not using split infinitives in English is because it’s impossible to split infinitives in Latin – therefore, because it can’t be done in English, some doddering fop in Victorian times (or earlier) decided we shouldn’t do so in English either. Perhaps because it’s barbaric or something. Who knows. Either way, I do and shall continue to gleefully split infinitives because, well, I CAN. Suck it, Latin.
**It occurred to me during the writing of this blog post that Zac Efron would have made a way more convincing Edward Cullen than RPattz did. That, however, is an issue for someone else to unpack – I’ve spent way more time during this blog post than I’ve ever meant to spent in weighing relative celebrity guy hotness.

Thoughts on fortune cookies

I have received the following messages in fortune cookies:
– “You have many good friends.”
– “You are a joyful person.”
– “Things are difficult for you.”
My issue here is that the above aren’t fortunes.  The first two are along the lines of a “Yay! You’re a good person” sentiment or some such nonsense, like “Congratulations for not sucking!”  The last one, on the other hand, is in the category of “life sucks doesn’t it,” which is generally true but also generally not something one wants reminding of right after one has consumed a vast quantity of Chinese food.  The first thought that comes to mind when I get a fortune like the last is “shit – does this portend indigestion?”  No one wants their food to hint that it may not intend on peaceful assimilation into one’s body.

Meanwhile, today my brother received the following fortune:
– “Any doubt you may have will be resolved early in the month.”
This does qualify as a fortune.  However, it’s a problematic fortune for a number of reasons.  Problem one is that it’s already the 11th*!, so it’s difficult say that it’s still ‘early in the month.’   Problem two revolves around the ‘doubt’ issue:  what qualifies as a doubt, exactly?  Is this “I doubt the existence of God”-level Doubt, or are we discussing something along the lines of “I doubt Glenn Beck has one sane thought in his head,” or is this* doubt something really tiny, like “I doubt Rock Band 3 will suck?”  Because one could doubt damn near anything on the planet, really, with magnitudes of doubt ranging from the sublime to the ridiculous. 

 It seems crazy for a fortune cookie to promise that all doubts will come to an end, because that sounds suspiciously like “all questions will be answered,” which is a type of empty promise that makes me deeply uncomfortable.  Two things come to mind.  One, the fortune cookie in this case is trying to sell the receiver something, hoping that the receiver is the type of person who would feel better were all questions put to rest and everything made comfortably black and white (or the fortune cookie is trying to lead the poor receiver into joining a cult).  Two, the fortune cookie is actually warning the receiver of impending death, since that seems to be the only real way to silence forever the possibility of doubt.  Were the latter true, the fortune cookie (or its writer) is a jerk, because no one wants to hear bad news on that level.  From anyone.  Or anything.  Ever.  Especially from a fortune cookie.

In the future, I would prefer that fortune cookies stick with small, meaningless fortunes: “today you will find a penny on the sidewalk,” or “you will meet a person who is chewing gum.”   Something banal, something ordinary, but something to watch out for as a sort of game, a way to make the day interesting.  Dadaism in action, perhaps.  Anything that doesn’t make my overactive imagination wonder if the fortune I’ve just received is promising my imminent doom.

* I mis-typed the word ‘this’ at first – my fingers misspelled it as ‘shit.’  From my typo, I’ve realized some things: “this” is really a shit word and one that I overuse, and I probably overuse the word “shit” as well if my fingers were more ready to type that than they were “this.”  Moral of the story:  I’m apparently a pottymouth. (Or I have pottyfingers?)

** I also realize that it’s 9/11, and it feels awkward to reference the date in any way, shape or form without acknowledging what happened on that day.  At the same time, I don’t have anything to say, really.  No one needs me spouting something about “always remember,” because I’m suspect that everyone alive on that day and capable of forming any sort of conscious thought whatsoever will never forget, and may very well remember quite a bit more than they’d wish.  I’m also not going to spout patriotism, because jingoism always comes across as hollow to me.  So I hope everyone does whatever feels right to them individually to deal with the day and its memories however it feels appropriate.

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