In “jobs that sound worse than unemployment” news:

I was driving home from the gym this afternoon when I realized that my car was hungry. I decided to stop at the nearest Quik Trip, which was a five-minute drive through two parking lots. If you’re not from the Johnson County, KS area, let me explain the rules:
– you can’t turn left. Ever.
– entrances to parking lots of strip malls may or may not be in logical, well-placed, easy to access areas
– that thing about not turning left? I was serious. It’s pathological around here.
– getting to the parking lot you need to be in (or in my case, the gas station I needed to get to) may involve maneuvering your vehicle through two or three different parking lots, as it may be impossible to get into the parking lot you actually need to be in from the road (see: you can’t turn left)
– it is in some areas possible to drive upwards of a mile through parking lots alone. We made a game out of it in high school, but that’s verging off into “different post altogether” territory, and I was in the middle of beginning a story here.

So anyway, I turned into a parking lot and had to drive along a shortish street into a big parking lot so that I could turn onto another shortish street and then into the Quik Trip. And that’s when I saw it.

Walking along the street behind the Quik Trip was a mopey foam Bud Light bottle.

At least, that’s what I saw at first. When I got a better look at it, it was a walking mopey foam shampoo bottle, the poor sop inside the costume carrying a sign advertising haircuts at the strip mall salon. I say mopey because the bottle had a distinct droop, as though the wearer of the costume were staring at a rock he was kicking along the parking lot as he wandered back to his own personal corner of advertising hell. I kinda wanted to buy him a beer just for having to deal with doing that.

I hope he’s having a beer right now. Cheebus.